Hey guise! My unreal name is Ruka, and I’m a 17 y/y college student of SPUQC under the course of BSIT. Basically yet obviously, my interests are anime, games, and cosplaying as everyone knows. So yeah, these are all the things that you should know. :)

Got unrelated questions? Click here

When was the last time when I used to despise the word coward?
Ah yes, back in 2nd grade when I was scared at zombies and ghost.
It does not matter now that I am old enough to understand things which are real and not.
But I do believe in ghosts.
Zombies? In the near future, maybe.

Weeks ago, we had to do a speech and speak in front of our classmates.
It was not easy, for me.
I'm very clueless with these stuffs but I know lots of topic, I just don't know if it is appropriate for our subject Filipino.
We need not to make a speech related to Filipino, but I listed down three topics.

* Why most people want to work abroad?
* How homosexuals appear in the sexuality?
* Why couples cheat?

If Miss had chosen second and third choice, it would have been so easy for me since I have observed the field(lol) well.
Unfortunately, she approved on the first question.

Ask me if why I wrote down "Why most people want to work abroad?"?
I have no idea either.

In that spur of a moment, I thought of planes and the blue sky as I was thinking of a topic.
That's my real reason I guess.
But it's not bias, since it is not related to me really.
So I had to make up some information and gather new ones.

While Miss was checking the other classmates' finished written speech, she told us to focus since we were so noisy, haha!
I did not finish mine, but I wrote an outline and how it should be arranged the moment I think of words.
But she rejected the idea and gave my paper back. It has to be in paragraph form so I took my paper and oh look, the time is up!
Guess I just have to make the paragraph some other time since the deadline will be on Thursday.

Two days later last week, I still don't have the paragraph and the outline is not that organized yet. Good thing Miss gave us a lecture so the speech will be by next week. She did not take our papers though.

Then I decided to make my speech while waiting for Kyun in Trinoma since I'm going to meet with a friend who'll be giving me the Tsubaki costume.

While writing, I have thought of lots of things that I did not think before!
Some ex-classmates' parents were working abroad which left him with his grandparents and siblings, and I remembered how he misbehaves in class. Might be because he just want to get attention since he does not have any at home?

Lots of things were in my mind that day and I wrote it all in outline form.
I was happy that something useful is inside my head, but then Kyun came so I had to stop for a while.
But hey, I'm almost finished!
Just had to think of few more benefits of my topic.

...
Friday and weekends came, and I got bored writing since I have more time at Monday so I did not bothered the speech.

Monday came and I was working on it, but not in paragraph form.
Kyle suddenly told me that she's not going to do the speech, as well as Donna since it's not their thing.
N-not really their thing but, I think they are not used to it. I am too.
I got carried away with their reasons and.. joined them as well.

Tuesday came and speech week is on.
I am supposed to do adlib's on my speech, but only 4 IT students were present and the rest is Accounting block!
We got scared because we were not so close with the Accounting students.
Well we talk to them but we rarely hang out with them as friends, I don't know with others though.
Kyle and Donna decided to skip Filipino class, but Aya refused to go with us since she had written down lots of information about her topic although she was not ready.

Then the last day came, today.

All ITB students' turn now.
Abby stood in front first, then Ticia, Jas, Lara, and Aya.
Donna, Kyle and I did not pass papers/pages for us to be called.
My mind has set for its final decision, that I am not going to recite after all.

As soon as everyone is finished, Miss had a last call for those who still want to run and speak in front of everyone.
I wanted to run there but I'm afraid that no words would come out of my mouth.
I'd look like a dork if I came up there with nothing..

But the sad truth is, I had something and I did not even went up there to at least give it a shot.
Miss was still calling and she suddenly shouted,

"Duwag! Mas pinili nyo pa ang 0 kaysa harapin mga kaklase nyo."
Translation: "Coward! You chose 0 instead of facing your classmates."

Those 9 words stabbed my chest so much that it still echoes in my mind right now.
I AM a coward.
I chose not to be laughed at, to be judged, and to miss an important challenge in my life for something not even trivial.
Let's admit that it was just so simple.
Speak your mind out and voice out your opinion to everyone.

The moment I remembered how much fun I had while making the outline of my speech, I started to get sick.
Those moments for nothing.

And the moment it was all over, I promised myself that this will be the last time I'd be calling myself a coward and to start standing up for myself. back to top?